Elflantis
by tielan
Summary: John ventures out of Elflantis' borders, into Pegaxie and meets...a pixie.


**NOTES**: if you thought this was going to be a serious fic...well, your comprehension needs some work. This is essentially crack!fic that a friend prompted me to write, where "Sheppard is an Elf and and Teyla is a magical Pixie... or something." They really need a 'crackfic' category at , don't they?

**Elflantis**

"Do not move."

With his bow fully drawn and a huge deer in his sights, John was shocked to hear the voice almost next to his ear. A cold pricking at the base of his spine warned him that she had a knife.

"Unnock your bow."

It was easy enough to do, but something in John rebelled. "How about you tell me what I did, and we can talk about this?"

There was a huff, then the low, smooth voice said, "Very well."

John began to turn his head, then froze as the knife pressed a little harder. "_After_ you have unnocked your bow."

He wasn't sure what he expected to see when he turned, but the woman who regarded him from wary, dark eyes (like the seer pools at midnight) was not it. She was small and graceful, compact and lithe (a princess' bearing although her skin was like mahogany). And she held the knife in her hand (small palm, square fingers, with dirt under the nails) like she knew how to use it.

There were others among the Elves who were poets. John wasn't one of them. But a few thoughts strayed through his head, even as he frowned at her and set the arrow back in his quiver.

"These are our lands, you know."

She lifted an eyebrow. "These are Pegaxie lands. Look," she said, and pointed to the squiggle pattern on the bole of the tree, which John now realised was a marker sign. He'd come so far from his usual hunting grounds, that he hadn't even noticed he'd passed out of the Elflantis borders. "You are not permitted to hunt here."

"And you're one of the guards against poachers?" John asked, smiling .

Unlike the other Elvish women, she didn't soften to his smile. "Were I one of the border guards, your bowstring would be cut and your bow snapped before you were returned to your lands."

A little disconcerted that his usual charm wasn't working on her, John nevertheless didn't give up. "Then I'm grateful for the reprieve, my lady."

She laughed then, although she seemed more amused than charmed. "Your courtesies are not necessary. As you see, I am no Elf."

"Nothing wrong with being polite," he defended. "Or friendly. Especially when in strange lands. I'm John." He held out his hand.

"Then, if you will follow me, John, I will take you back to your border. You would be advised not to come back again."

The Pegaxie turned, and John saw the glimmer of wings - long and thin and oval, fragile as a dragonfly's, and shot through with colours like the surface of a soap bubble. Fascinated, he took a step towards her, and reached out a hand.

Before his fingers touched them, she whipped around, and the knife was back in her hand, expertly held. "Keep your distance!"

"Hey!" He held up his hands in defence and nearly poked himself in the eye with the end of his bow. "Ow. Look," he said. "I don't even know your name."

Her eyes regarded him distrustfully. "You do not need to know my name for me to show you the way out of Pegaxie woods."

"Need, no. Want, yes."

She rolled her eyes. "My name is Teyla. Now, will you leave my forest?"

He rested his hands on his hips, tilted his head at her, and smiled. "Sure, Teyla."

--

The next day, he hesitated at the edge of the Pegaxie lands, brushing his fingers across the tree-sign that showed the outlying borders. Then he kept walking, moving lightly through the undergrowth and overgrowth around him, his Elvish senses alert, trying to sense her before she arrived.

"I told you not to venture here again."

He turned towards her voice, shading his eyes against the rays of the sun, filtering down through the leaf canopy. "I'm afraid I'm very bad with directions." He could just make out her shadow against the brightness - hovering silently in the air. She'd picked her position with a view to offense, and he wondered if he should have told Rodney where he was going.

"Do you think this funny?" Teyla demanded. "That you can just walk into Pegaxie lands without consequences?"

"You let me go yesterday," he pointed out. "Look, I just want to talk. That's all. Talk."

There was a marked hesitation this time, and when she spoke again, her tone wasn't so annoyed. "What about?"

"I've never met a Pegaxie before," he told her.

"Perhaps there is a reason for that?"

"See, now you're just saying that to hurt my feelings," he told her.

"And is it working?"

"Yes."

Teyla sighed as she floated down. "You should not be here."

"Why not?"

"Because..." She hesitated, although that might have just been because she was touching down, the pale blurs behind her shoulders slowing in a glitter of irisdescence. The stirred air brushed through John's hair soft as a caress. "Our peoples do not mix."

"At least until now."

"My people have no interest in meeting yours," she said. Her wings flipped closed behind her shoulders, like a pair of hands, primly folded.

"What about you?"

Teyla stared at him, as though he'd just grown horns and a pointed tail. "Me?"

"Do you have any interest in my people? In meeting me."

"We met yesterday."

"Not what I meant."

She stared at him longer, before she sighed and looked exasperated. "What do you want, John of Elflantis?"

"To talk with you. Just talk," he said, realising that she might be worried about him. She'd certainly reacted very nervously yesterday when he'd been about to touch her wings. "Elf's honour."

Teyla hesitated, then glanced back over her shoulder, deeper towards the heart of Pegaxie. John craned his neck, trying to see what she was looking for, but unable to sight it. She turned back, and now her expression was a little easier - not quite so tense.

"Very well," she told him, with one gesture. "This way."

And she led him further into the Pegaxie forest.

--


End file.
